M.S Dhoni

 I am not a writer. In fact, I write code for a living. For some, I am pretty average at writing code. So bear with me. This will be a long monologue(my attempt at a tribute) about one of the most intriguing man in cricket, Mahendra Singh Dhoni.

For anyone who knows me, they would probably describe me as an old soul trapped in young(not so anymore) body. I am a purist as far as my cricket is concerned. I am someone who will wake up at 3 am in the morning to watch test cricket. I am not particularly a fan of shorter forms of cricket. For me test cricket is right up there. It's hard, it's relentless and it's the true test of skill and the mind. It should not come as a surprise that my favourite cricketer is Rahul Dravid. Close second is Sachin Tendulkar and then there are the rest.

So it should come as great surprise that a purist like me is writing something about M.S Dhoni who is at best a slightly above average test cricketer. In fact, I am myself surprised that Dhoni's retirement has affected me so much(may be it's just that I don't want to write perf). 

I think part of the reason why I am writing this is what he has achieved as a cricketer and as a captain. It's often said that a leader is as good as his team. Richie Benaud once said that captaincy is 10% skill and 90% luck. For me Dhoni gets a 10/10 for his skill. I honestly think that he had worst test team(among Ganguly, Dhoni and Kohli) after Kumble retired. He didn't have Kumble or harbhajan at their peak. He didn't have Srinath or zaheer at their peaks either. He didn't have a side that could take 20 wickets. So a lot of times his captaincy was just about waiting and playing a game of attrition. And despite all that he helped India become the top ranked test team. He was an slightly above average test cricketer. I think we as Indians were just happy that we had someone who we could compare with Adam Gilchrist who is imho one of the best test cricketers in my era. His 200 odd against Australia was one of the finest innings that I have seen. His 140 odd against Pakistan was a close second. But those were few and far in between. But where I think his greatest strength lie was in One day cricket. There he didn't have to take 10 wickets to win a match. Here he could always outscore the opponents. This is the format where we saw his true skills and genius as a captain. He could inspire average cricketers to win World cups. Here he was like a poker player. He knew what his strengths were. He knew his cards and he played his moves absolutely right. I think a leader is some one who can inspire the team to be greater than the some of his parts. And Dhoni was the best at it. He made the team look better than it really was.

However, Dhoni is much bigger than the numbers he produced as a batsmen or as a captain. It was his aura. His press conferences laid a lot of emphasis on the process. He always said that my job is to setup a process and have everyone follow that process and detach from the end results. Having myself recently moved to a leadership role, I find that incredibly hard to do. He was a master at it. If I had to describe Dhoni in one word it would "Detached". Make no mistake, it didn't mean he didn't care about the result. He did. It just means he was able to see the larger picture and not be bogged down by the end result. That is incredibly hard to do as a leader. Especially when everyone is judging you on the results and its your ass on the line. His insights helped me a lot during my engineering days. I was getting rejected for internship by companies left right and centre in my third year. After some introspection, I realised that I was too focused on the result. By the time I graduated from the college I was able to follow Dhoni's policy and I did well. Since then I have lost sight of this principle multiple times both as an individual and a lead and I am just an okay engineer at a above average company. He is the bloody captain of the Indian cricket team. The toughest job in cricket. That's where I think his true genius lies. Cricket has made him who is is. Yet, he is as detached from it as he possibly can be. In a country that is enamored by centre stage, this guy doesn't care about it at all. He won us that final against Sri Lanka. Yet he was happy in taking the back stage and let it all be about sachin and yuvraj and others. I have never even once take him centre stage. His press conferences were an example. Whenever India won he would send out the man of the match or some other person for the press conferences. When the team lost he would be the one answeing all the questions. You can see an example of this in the way he announced his retirement as well. A cryptic post on instagram and he walked away just like that. And that is perhaps why I am writing this piece. I aspire to be the kind of leader he was and I know if I could be even 0.1% as good as he was, I would have done well.

Dhoni is an enigma. He is the best leader I have seen in my life. His contribution to the Indian cricket is beyond anything that has ever been done. Thank you dhoni for everything and thank you for showing how to lead. Something that this country desperately needs right now.

"Na aap pal do pal ke shayar hain,

Na pal do pal apki kahani hai, 

Na pal do pal ki hasti hai,

Na pal do pal ki jawani hai"

Bacha hi acha tha

Puri school, college life mummy hi uthaya karti thi,

Breakfast mai jo chaho woh banaya krti thi,

Ab subah alarm se uthne ki koshish krta hun,

4 bar snooze dabake, meeting mai bina nahaye pahuncha krta hun.

Breakfast khaye hue arsa hogya h,

Lunch bhi 2-3 baje krta hun.

Meeting ke beech mai bhuk meetane ko chips khaya krta hun,

Tostitos se to blue wala lays hi acha tha,

Arey yaar kyun hi bada hua,

Bacha hi acha tha.

Bas test or homework ki tension hoti thi,

Ya friendship day pe bands pehnane ki,

Na early morning meeting ki dikkat thi,

Na perf rating badhane ki.

Cricket team ke captain hum the,

Puri koshish thi team ko jeetane ki.

Ab manager ko leadership dikhane ki koshish krta hun,

Impact ki mala japta hun.

Kuch bhi kaho,

Tab ka leader hi sacha tha.

Arey yaar kyun hi bada hua,

Bacha hi acha tha.

Teacher bhi tab ke sache the,

Burai muh pe krte the.

Dant-te the dil khol ke,

Par peeth piche tarif kiya krte the.

Ab corporate talk sab dete hain,

Kehte hai you are doing well,

Par section to improve mai

Lambe essay likh diya krte hain.

Ability se zada,

Lines of code ka har taraf charcha tha,

Arey yaar kyun hi bada hua,

Baccha hi achaa tha.

Drawing book se lekar,

Birthday cards tak,

Creativity har samay bahar ati thi.

Ab creativity ke liye,

Saal mai do hackathon hua krti hai.

Ise zada creative to tab tha,

Jab mai first year ka fuccha tha.

Arey yaar kyun hi bada hua,

Bachha hi acha tha.

Glass

I have touched lips,
May be far too many,
And yes I have quenched the thirst of people,
However useful, I am still a glass at end of the bar,
Waiting to be returned.

I have helped people forget their sorrows,
I partied with people from evenings till morrows,
I have filled many a solitude,
And made so many judgements a little skewed,
Yet I Am still a glass at the end of the bar,
Waiting to be returned.

Just like the people who drink from me,
I have been broken by people who loved me the most,
And then I have been joined back together,
I have seen death and sorrow,
I have seen eyes which are more addictive,
Then anything you can borrow.
I have seen all human emotions,
Seen many a happy people,
And some just going through the motions.
Yet I am still a glass at the end of the bar,
Waiting to be returned.

I will return,
All washed and new.
I will touch that one more lip,
I will make make one more difference,
To the life of some stranger.
But as of now,
I am still a glass at the end of the bar,
Waiting to be returned.
I am still a glass at the end of the bar,
Waiting to be returned.

Almost

What is your single least favorite word in the English Vocabulary?

There are a lot of contenders,

Words like regret, remorse, anger, murder, poverty, terrorism, racism,

Sexism, hatred, and may be a few more.

But if I had to pick one,

It would be “almost”.

Why almost? Why Indeed.

Almost represents failed potential.

It represents our ability to be just not good enough.

That we had come to the brink of something so beautiful, so magical,

But fell short of it so many times,

That we crafted a word for it.

Almost.

Almost.

Like when in 1999, sachin was 12 short of winning the game for india.

He was almost there. Single handedly navigate india into that position.

Yet he didn’t win it. He almost won it.

And he was in tears for the hours after the match.

That’s what almost does to people.

Like the time when,

In 6th grade I had a crush on this girl.

Her beauty was right out of your dream,

And her skin was like milk,

Her hairs were like silk.

For a chance to sit with her,

I would happily trade,

A cone of chocochip ice cream.

Over a period of years,

We became good friends,

I am almost confessed to her in my 10th grade.

But she was like a hurricane,

And I was, well a drizzle.

So I decided not to say anything,

In the fear of losing her.

Time passed and we lost touch.

Time carved a gulf between us,

That was to difficult to budge.

10 years later we met for coffee,

She was married now with a ring as big as

IPL trophy.

We got into chatting,

and she told me that she had a crush on me during school.

Oh what might have been,

I thought to myself.

I was almost on the brink of may be something life changing,

There is that word again.

The reason for most of our sorrows.

Almost.

Like the time when,

20 years later,

I almost proposed to my girlfriend.

I decided against it.

I thought it was too simple,

And needed to be something more romantic.

She met with the accident next day,

And suffered partial amnesia.

She didn’t remember me.

May be the ring would have reminded her of me,

May be the the accident wouldn’t have happened,

What would have been?

Who knows?

We were almost on the brink of something beautiful,

And we fell so far.

There is that word again.

Almost.

Almost. The bane of human existence.

Almost. The reason for our survival.

Musings of 25 year software engineer

So I was home this week after three months and had a period for reflection. A period of silent introspection.

“Life is tough.” That's our favorite phrase these days. Whenever we think about promotions, university admissions for PG courses, dating, love in general and everything else related to life, we conclude it’s tough. Not beautiful, not wonderful, not hopeful. But tough. Tough because we can't stop thinking about what's coming our way. Tough because we spent the past 2-3 years in denial, in denial that we are growing up. In denial that we want to make it big but don't know how. The confusing moments in our life soon became moments of denial. Those vague ideas about the "real" world are now so in-your-face that you've lost sight of the greatness you once dreamed of.

Then you find a diary from your school and college days, a diary which had about 12-13 poems that you had written and thought you will publish it some day. Then you read those poems, most of them written after your break up. The memories of the relationship seems too silly now. But the words, they punch you right in the face. It seems strange that you were so possessed about something. You had so much clarity and intent. You get inspired that you could feel so strongly about something that wasn’t a variable or class name (Software Engineers will get it.)

And then you realise that something went wrong. But what? Then you think of what you wanted to be back in school. You wanted to be a cricketer. Then you see IPL, you see Nitish rana. He was born two years after you. He is tonking sixes at will against the world’s best bowlers and you? You keep solving some bug that crops up every now and then. Right around 7th or 8th, when you were a silver medalist in gymnastics and a district level cricketer, You had a choice to either take up sports or get into studies and be a doctor/engineer. And you thought, there are like 5k people that get into IIT only 11 get into indian team, and by that time no Indian gymnast had been to olympics. Thanks to deepa it changed. But still the numbers were too low to take a decision that could potentially change my life for the better or worse. And being decently good at studies is a curse too. You had a choice, and being the analytic person that education had taught you to be, you decide to try and get into an IIT. In 10th you realise its a race, it’s a race that will destroy you irrespective of whether you come first or you come last. It will drain you mentally , but you participate anyway. You think you will make the world a better place with all that knowledge. That you will perhaps change the world. Fast forward a few years, you look back. You did decently well at the race. Didn’t finish first, I don’t know who does, but you did well. But then you get to it, are you changing the world? No. Probably not. Will you be able to change the world? Probably not. You did well in the race, but you still lost.

Maybe you were not meant to change the world. Maybe you were meant to sit on that half reclining chair solve bugs and ship features. Not that latter is not challenging, it is, but you aren’t changing the world for the better. Even if you do it’s too negligible for a child sitting in a village waiting for his mother to cook a meal for which she doesn’t have any resources or raw materials. Then you have a guilt trip, and you donate money in charity hoping it would help someone and then forget about it until the time you file tax, where any donation is not a taxable income.

You are 25, you want to change the world for the better, and you have no clue on how to go about it. Maybe you will figure it out in next 5 years. Maybe you won’t, but hopefully you will strive to change the world then as you want to do it now, as you wanted to do it 5 years earlier.

Life is not tough. In this rat race you tend to forget about how beautiful it is.  You don’t see the inherent good in people, you become harsh to others including yourself. You tend to forget the pristine beauty of life apart from the desk you have. The beauty in a mother’s eyes when she sees her baby for the first time. Or a the beauty on the face of an anxious groom standing at altar, waiting for his bride. And in the end we forget:

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting. Beauty is power; a smile is its sword. The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.”

So smile and may be it will change someone else’s world :)

Why I don't fall in love?

I was supposed to write something else for work, but here I am writing a long poem on why I Dont fall in love.

Why I don’t fall in love?

A question that I have been asked a lot,

A question that has always hit a nerve,

Shashank, can you please tell me.

Why in god’s earth you don’t fall in love?

Why , Indeed, is the question that ask myself.

Is it because when girls say hi,

I mumble , look down at my shoes,

Say something totally incoherent,

And wished all she said was bye.

Or is it because,

Of the wounds that open up,

When someone says hi,

Fearing the impending goodbye.

Is it because of those probing eyes,

Or is because of that sunbathed smile,

Is it because she looks like the most beautiful girl on earth,

Even when she is ill,

And me, well, like a terrorist sent to kill.

When I was 17,

I took this girl on a date,

We were going out for three months now,

And everything was much better than great.

Her beauty was like that of the moon,

You envision in clearest of dreams,

And if her skin was like milk,

Her hair was like silk,

Smelling like strawberries dipped in cream,

Infact, whenever I was asked to described her,

It seemed less like a ballad,

And more like I was dating a fruit salad.

I was deeply engrossed in her eyes,

While she was gorging this chicken burger with french fries.

Once the eating was over,

We went to the counter for the meal,

That was too soon to be over.

Now this was the thing about which I was most weary,

The things printed in that bill seemed too scary.

I was self defensive,

Or a miser as you would call it,

Specially for a guy who had more dust,

Than money in his wallet.

Eight hundred rupees, the bill read,

I thought that I died a slow little death.

However, I thought I was in love,

And I was time I made a little exception.

And things as they go,

Two years later, I was single and heart-broken,

in a room watching inception.

10 years later,

I was sitting beside an hospital bed,

There she was lying around,

And fighting with her fate,

Life was anything,

But great.

I was silent at first,

But then got to talking,

She was still funny, charming and always joking.

She was like a sunshine, in the rain,

And inside me there was a storm brewing, an impending hurricane.

Soon the doctor came to room,

With a file in his hand,

Now this is the thing about which I was most weary,

The contents of the file were too scary.

There he was spelling out her fate,

The most exquisite ballad dancer,

Was suffering from a fourth stage terminal cancer.

My world came crashing down,

I thought I would just break in tension,

Then I found some courage inside me,

And thought,

She needed me, I need to make an exception.

After that, I visited the hospital rather frequently with her,

Taking her around this wheelchair.

Thinking why she can’t be mine,

While I made sure I was gentle,

So as to not hurt her chemical infused spine.

She died 2 months later,

I lost the love of my life,

And probably my future wife.

So when people ask me,

Shashank, why on god’s earth you don’t fall in love?

I tell them this,

And they soon turn silent,

Like that painting in the museum of that beautiful sun bathed dove.

Like the painting, they want to say a lot,

But then, I change the topic

And let my feelings rot

That is the answer my friend,

Of why I don’t fall in love.

Of why I don’t fall in love.  

India's 5 Greatest ODI Victories

So a few days ago, I was watching this series of videos from Harsha Bhogle where he was reminiscing the five best test victories for team India. I wanted to do the same for one day’s. Now when you sit down and think about the best 5 five games, you can probably count 10. There are so many marquee games that come to mind. I think This will be difficult. But let me try. So there goes my list of top 5 ODI games for India.

5) 28th February 2012, India vs Sri Lanka

India started well in the series with wins over Sri lanka and Australia , then tied a game with sri lanka and lost two versus Australia. All this meant that India had to win its last game with sri lanka with a bonus point and then, hope Australia defeats Sri lanka to qualify for the finals. India won the toss and chose to field. What this meant was whatever, Sri Lanka put on board India had to chase it down in 40 overs or less to get a bonus point. It was a good batting wicket in hobart and India would have wanted to get sri lanka out for less than 250. But, what followed was master class from Dilshan and Sangakkara. They amassed 320 for 4 in the allotted 50 overs. India needed to chase 321 in 40 overs with an asking rate of 8 from the onset to keep their hopes alive in the tournament. And what followed was a master class from Kohli. He scored 133 in 86 balls. The best death bowler at the time, Lasith malinga went for 96 runs in his 7 overs. This match showed the changing mentality of India cricket. But, above all it showed fearlessness , a new spirit in the team. Never say die attitude was exhilarating to see. We knew then that Indian cricket had come of age then. Gone were the days where we would have surrendered to huge targets and now we could any challenge head on.

4) Desert Storm at Sharjah, 1998

Just shy of his 25th birthday, Sachin had achieved a lot in his short career but that innings was something else. Chasing a target of 285 in 50 overs, India needed 254 runs to trump New Zealand on Net Run Rate and qualify for the final. And as was the case in those days, we Indians had thought of that as our only target. We thought let us somehow score that 254 and qualify for the finals. I was 6 then, so obviously didn’t watch the game live. However, years later I saw it in a little 1 hour episode of cricket classics on ten sports. I didn’t knew what had happened in the game. So I watched with bated breath to see if we can reach 254. And then Sachin happened. From fleming to Warne, Everyone was smacked left right and centre. I think that day only one Indian was thinking of 285 and not 254 and that was Sachin Tendulkar. And mind you, If the desert storm didn’t come and break his peak concentration, who knows he might have done it. We lost 4 overs to the storm. Needed 236 in 46 now. Sachin got out on 242 and we lost that match but qualified for the finals. Sachin scored 143 in 130 odd bowls, a strike rate of over 100 was almost unheard of back then.

3) July 13, 2002 vs England, Natwest Trophy final

I was 10 at the time and was a huge cricket fanatic by then. I remember that clearly, India came into the tournament after a string of loses in the finals. A lot of people questioned India’s temperament in big games. The game started, England batted first on beautiful sunny day at lords. What followed was two centuries from Trescothik and Naseer Hussain. Naseer Hussain was under a lot of criticism , that he cant bat at number 3 for england. I remember him pointing at the number 3 written on the back of his t-shirt after scoring the hundred, as if to say he belongs there. India was set a target of 326 runs in 50 overs. India raced to 100 in 14 overs with sehwag and ganguly belting the english bowlers. Then came the come back , we lost 5 wickets for 40 odd runs. At 146-5, when sachin was bowled by ashley giles, I switched off my Tv set. A 10 year old boy, teary eyed, went back to watch something else with his family. I missed almost 1 hour of the game, where two boys were playing like men. Yuvraj Singh and mohammad kaif, fresh off the under 19 world cup win, were playing innings of their life. And then I switched on the TV set, As soon as I did, yuvraj got out on 69. Trying to play dab to fine leg, got a top edge and short fine leg took an easy catch. He was distraught. He walked so slowly to the dressing room, harsha bhogle who was on commentary at the time said it would take a crane to take him off the ground. Kaif was playing well with harbhajan singh. The turbanator hit a one hand six on the leg side. Then we lost two back to back wickets to flintoff. The game was very much in the balance, with zaheer khan and kaif, we somehow scraped over the line. I was exhilarated and so was ganguly. I was so proud of the Indian team. Mind you it was england, where we had a tendency of giving it away. From teary eyes at 146-5 to teary eyes at 326-8, life had turned a full circle for me.

2) April 2, 2011 vs Sri Lanka, World cup final

I was preparing for my JEE exam, which was scheduled to be 11th. I woke up at 4 in the morning, studied till 2:30 pm, and then saw the toss. India were bowling, put the TV on mute and started studying again. The whole Sri lankan innings was watched on mute, mostly studying with a glance or two every 10-15 minutes to just check the score. Mehela jayawardene, score a brilliant hundred. When you set 275 to chase in world cup final, you are almost 60-40 ahead in the game. And with, 31 for 2 match was all but over. My heart sank. Sehwag and Sachin were in great form throughout the tournament. WE had a very worrisome middle order, with dhoni woefully out of touch. Yuvraj was in prime form and I had no doubts even then that he would be the man of the tournament. But, what did dhoni do? He came in ahead of yuvraj and scored a match winning 90 odd to win the only world cup win I watch live. Wow, what feeling that was. But in all that, we forget a little young man from delhi who scored a 97 when the team was struggling. Gautam gambhir’s innings that day was pure class and often forgotten in the blistering inning played by dhoni.

1) India vs West Indies, lords, 1983 world cup final

So which world cup final was India’s greatest? Many people of my generation would rank MSD’s victory greater than that of kapil dev’s. But, for me this was the best moment for India in its ODI history. Rank underdogs, playing the best team in the world. The dibbly dobbly pacers that we had vs the mighty marshal and holding. It was david v/s goliath in the truest sense, and we were no goliath. Setting 184 to win in 60 overs to batting line up boasting of the likes of vivian richards, haynes, loyd and greenidge, at the mid break everyone thought India will lose. But, We had other plans. Turning point of the game, was that backward running catch taken by kapil dev to dismiss Viv Richards. The ball was in the air for eternity, but our captain took one of the best catches ever, and this turned the tide in our favour. We won the world cup, and the kapil dev’s team inspired a generation of cricketers. We are a cricketing nation, because of that victory and it would turn out to shape the sporting landscape of a country of 1 billion people. This was where it all started and this is where my list will end.