Why I don't fall in love?

I was supposed to write something else for work, but here I am writing a long poem on why I Dont fall in love.

Why I don’t fall in love?

A question that I have been asked a lot,

A question that has always hit a nerve,

Shashank, can you please tell me.

Why in god’s earth you don’t fall in love?

Why , Indeed, is the question that ask myself.

Is it because when girls say hi,

I mumble , look down at my shoes,

Say something totally incoherent,

And wished all she said was bye.

Or is it because,

Of the wounds that open up,

When someone says hi,

Fearing the impending goodbye.

Is it because of those probing eyes,

Or is because of that sunbathed smile,

Is it because she looks like the most beautiful girl on earth,

Even when she is ill,

And me, well, like a terrorist sent to kill.

When I was 17,

I took this girl on a date,

We were going out for three months now,

And everything was much better than great.

Her beauty was like that of the moon,

You envision in clearest of dreams,

And if her skin was like milk,

Her hair was like silk,

Smelling like strawberries dipped in cream,

Infact, whenever I was asked to described her,

It seemed less like a ballad,

And more like I was dating a fruit salad.

I was deeply engrossed in her eyes,

While she was gorging this chicken burger with french fries.

Once the eating was over,

We went to the counter for the meal,

That was too soon to be over.

Now this was the thing about which I was most weary,

The things printed in that bill seemed too scary.

I was self defensive,

Or a miser as you would call it,

Specially for a guy who had more dust,

Than money in his wallet.

Eight hundred rupees, the bill read,

I thought that I died a slow little death.

However, I thought I was in love,

And I was time I made a little exception.

And things as they go,

Two years later, I was single and heart-broken,

in a room watching inception.

10 years later,

I was sitting beside an hospital bed,

There she was lying around,

And fighting with her fate,

Life was anything,

But great.

I was silent at first,

But then got to talking,

She was still funny, charming and always joking.

She was like a sunshine, in the rain,

And inside me there was a storm brewing, an impending hurricane.

Soon the doctor came to room,

With a file in his hand,

Now this is the thing about which I was most weary,

The contents of the file were too scary.

There he was spelling out her fate,

The most exquisite ballad dancer,

Was suffering from a fourth stage terminal cancer.

My world came crashing down,

I thought I would just break in tension,

Then I found some courage inside me,

And thought,

She needed me, I need to make an exception.

After that, I visited the hospital rather frequently with her,

Taking her around this wheelchair.

Thinking why she can’t be mine,

While I made sure I was gentle,

So as to not hurt her chemical infused spine.

She died 2 months later,

I lost the love of my life,

And probably my future wife.

So when people ask me,

Shashank, why on god’s earth you don’t fall in love?

I tell them this,

And they soon turn silent,

Like that painting in the museum of that beautiful sun bathed dove.

Like the painting, they want to say a lot,

But then, I change the topic

And let my feelings rot

That is the answer my friend,

Of why I don’t fall in love.

Of why I don’t fall in love.